I must admit I ran out of words. I have few to tell and no will to talk. It could sound a weird start for a blog post, where I'm supposed to actually 'tell' something. But something happened last Friday and I'm still in a confused set of mind: in a way happy, in a way very sad, in a way outraged, in a way full of pity. Even a little scared.
Do you know that feeling when you finally got something you have desidered so much, so long, so intensely... but it's offered to you in a way you can't accept it? and you went through such a big pain to elaborate it and to make it over, to be wise and possibly 'good'?
Do you know the killing feeling of loving somebody who constantly makes you worry and suffer and even be ashamed for him/her and still you can't help but care about him/her?
And who am I to judge? no, I have never judged anybody. But who am I to ignore the obvious limit of what is moral? As far as me, I don't mean to be arrogant but I'm not going to do anything that I don't consider good. Still... how arrogant I must be to say so!
Ok, you see: I'm in a big mess. Trying to be honest till the end and loyal to myself but also to this love that has been so important. I can't simply say that I don't care because I do. And I can't simply say that it doesn't matter beacuse it matters, in spite I really care a lot.
Have you got a clue? no? good because you shouldn't. I must face it on my own.