|Lalit and me are greeted in Hakula|
In the end I'm a storyteller, and telling stories usually helps me to shape my inner feelings, somehow to recognise them. The meaning of this story could be completely changed by my misunderstanding of others' feeling though, because facts always need a cultural interpretation, especially when you go messing around so far from home.
I'm not going into dettails, but it strikes me like a painful case of double bind. I can't put together what my guy says and what he does, not in my culture's frame. But my feeling for him makes me hard - even impossible - to just label it as 'bullshit' or 'a lie'. Something tell me that things are more complicated, or at least I need to believe they are.
So what do you mean when you say: "I love you?". I reflected a lot - you can guess! - and my conclusion is that when I say "I love you" I mean: "When I'm with you I feel happy, I don't need anything else. When I'm not with you I'm somehow unhappy and I feel I miss something. Therefore I'll do anything to be with you. I want you to be happy so I'll do anything I can to please you, to make your dreams come true." This is my feeling when I'm in love with somebody. I'm not sure everybody feel the same, but probably I expect the same by the one I'm in love with, if he says he loves me back.
Unfortunately I'm very openminded. When you feel unhappy you should just walk away. I always try to understand the others' point of view, especially when it's rooted in a different culture. I say this is unfortunate because I think - ah yes, I THINK! - that love shouldn't be about overthinking.
I returned to Nepal to get officially engagged or to just end it. Both the options were possible and I don't see other ones, because we are too far to just stay like that and see. I want a plann about our future life together or a friendly farwell. I got nothing of the above, but facts and worlds that I can't understand, not just facts contraddicting worlds, also worlds contraddicting facts, and worlds and facts supporting both the options! Are you puzzled? I'm too.
Anyway, I left on April the 11th from Milano, Italy, and I arrived in Kathmandu on the 12th, in the afternoon. My guy [?], Lalit, came to pick me up at the airport and we spent the night in his room. On the 13th, after a very long waiting because of 'traffic' [?!] we flought to the small airport of Phaplu, near Salleri, in the Solo Khumbu, where we met his youger brother. By bus, on very bad roads, we got to a poor guesthouse in Ramen, where we spent the night. On the 14th we crossed on foot the bridge on the Dudh Kosi river and we started climbing on a very steep track. At noon we arrived to Hakula, a small village at about 2.000 m. We spent there two days and on the 16th, late in the morning, we started our way back, on foot to the bridge, then by jeep, straight to Kathmandu, where we arrived at 3 am after a risky night drive. We spent two days in the capital city, doing nothing. On the 18th evening I took my flight back home.
In spite of my confusion about the personal meaning of it, it's an interesting, adventurous story. I'll tell you, if you want to read it. Come back tomorrow... or the day after it...